Thursday, December 9, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
In my 7 years, 3 months, and 20 days of marriage, I've become aware of a strange phenomenon. Maybe you've picked up on this, too...
A boyfriend can do anything. Especially if its a new boyfriend. A new boyfriend can cook you dinner, fix your flat, paint your toenails, and recite Shakespeare. But as the relationship progresses and becomes more comfortable, men start to degenerate. They begin to lose their superhero powers. For example, a long-term boyfriend can suddenly no longer remember the name of "your song." Should you become engaged, a fiance can no longer retrieve his own beer. Once you're married, a newlywed husband suddenly loses his ability to operate a washer/dryer. And as the marriage goes into longevity, husbands seem to lose a whole slew of super powers, like seeing a pair of black socks in a drawer full of white ones, or remembering that groceries need to be placed in pantries and refrigerators rather than being left on counter tops. And cooking? Fuggedaboutit! That's far too complex a task for the common husband to tackle! After all, each of their limbs has limited mobility upon crossing the threshold of the front door.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I hate to throw away perfectly good food. Seems like such an irresponsible thing to do considering the time and money that went into acquiring it in the first place. Also, I hate the idea of being so wasteful. Those infomercials of starving children in third world countries did a real job on me when I was growing up. Not to mention the fact that if one of those commercials came on TV while my mother was in the room she would instantly become someone else. She got sad, stopped eating (if there was food nearby), and proceeded to make me feel deeply guilty for having so many toys, clothes, shoes, a bed, ducted heating and AC, clean water, clean fingernails, a father... not on purpose, though. I could just see it in her eyes. She never actually said anything. I guess one of the traits she passed on to me was a deep sense of empathy. Or a guilty conscience?
Wow! Are you totally depressed now?!? Sorry. Really. I guess, in some twisted way, part of what gets me in the holiday spirit is to reflect on how much worse life could be. It really serves to remind me how good I have it. And then I get to remembering how self-serving I've been all year and start making plans about how to divide my fortune amongst the needy. I start purging my closets and my kids' toys. I vow to use every morsel of food in my pantry before I will allow myself to go grocery shopping again.
And then about five minutes into it, I get over myself, thank God for his blessings, and start feeling happy again! Whew! No wonder the holidays are so stressful - its such and emotional roller coaster!
Now, let's eat!